DOs and DON'Ts for Navigating the Pre- and Elementary School Years

Parenting young children is a rewarding journey, yet it can also often feel like entering uncharted territory. At this age, children are quickly discovering the limits of their independence and autonomy, frequently testing parental boundaries and expressing newfound and intense emotions. As parents, it is essential to acknowledge this time in their lives and thoughtfully offer the rules and expectations they need to thrive during this period. 

This post aims to serve as a gentle roadmap for purposeful parenting during the preschool and elementary years, providing simple yet effective “dos” and “don’ts” to help you support your child during this transition. 

Do: Set Clear, Consistent Rules

Children find comfort in routines and predictable boundaries. One way to motivate children to follow these rules is to involve them in the process and agree with them on the rules. Collaborating with your child to create direct family guidelines is incredibly effective. When kids feel included, they are more likely to follow rules willingly. This could involve creating a rule around bedtime, such as “We clean up our toys before bed”. In addition to establishing these rules with your child, it is essential to reinforce them to help your child consistently maintain clear expectations. Staying consistent allows our children to begin internalizing expectations, leading to fewer conflicts and a greater sense of autonomy. 

Don’t: Let Your Child Dictate Every Decision

Providing your child with occasional choices is essential; for example, offering them a choice between two different snack options empowers your child without overwhelming them. However, allowing young children to make significant choices, such as setting their bedtimes or deciding their screen time limits, can unintentionally undermine your parental authority and confuse your child about the original expectations that were established. As said earlier, consistency is key!

Do: Notice and Celebrate Positive Behavior

Children naturally repeat behaviors that gain attention and praise. However, often, as parents, we forget to celebrate our child's wins and tend to focus solely on their mistakes. Rather than focusing exclusively on correcting behavior, try to look for moments where your child excels, such as when they show immense patience, kindness, or helpfulness towards others. Positive reinforcement not only boosts self-esteem within your child, but it also encourages the repetition of these “good” behaviors.

Don’t: Replace Discipline with Punishment 

Although many people use these words interchangeably, they refer to two different concepts. Discipline, as we understand it, refers to teaching individuals how to learn and grow from their behavior, while punishment focuses on imposing a consequence for some wrongdoing. This is not to say punishment cannot be used. Still, it is essential to use your judgment to decide which is right in a given situation. If you want your child to learn and grow from a mistake, discuss where they went wrong and what you would like to see from them in the future, rather than sending them to their room for them to guess what they did wrong. 

Do: Provide Predictable Routines 

At this age, children rely on what is predictable. Setting up a structured routine helps children anticipate what is coming next, not only reducing anxiety and frustration but also teaching them a sense of independence. If kids are aware of a daily routine, they will begin to follow it themselves without needing reminders, which will help them succeed as they grow older. However, our kids often still need reminders. It is essential to gently prepare your child by saying something like, “We have five more minutes of playtime before dinner”. Relying on gentle cues and consistent routines allows for smooth transitions and fewer meltdowns. As adults, we like to know what's coming next, and so do our children. 

Don’t: Rush or Spring Changes Abruptly 

As discussed before, both adults and children like to know what is coming next. However, sudden shifts in activities without warning may upset your child, leading to resistance or anxiety. Be mindful to follow the rules and routine you have put in place. Change is hard for anyone, but to our tiny humans, abrupt transitions can often be one of the most frustrating feelings they experience. 

In Closing

While navigating the early and beginning of middle childhood years might often feel overwhelming, remember that being a parent does not require perfection but rather intention. As you continue to raise your child, remember that every boundary you set and every joyous moment you celebrate help lay a strong foundation for your child's future. You’ve got this!